The Teddy Bear's Picnic
by Madame Cyanure
Summary: Jack. Ianto. Body Paint. ...And a Rift alert? Anything could happen, and it does. Lots of Janto naughtiness, and a bit of extra on the side. ; Please read and review. x


**This one is a massively smutty plotbunny, so children avert your eyes! Please read and review; I really want your opinions on this fic. :) x**

**DEDICATION: This fic is a response to a conversation with Tacroy. This should feed your brilliantly dirty mind lol! ;) x**

**DISCLAIMER: None of the characters involved are mine. I just let them play in my madhouse for a while. x**

The Teddy Bear's Picnic

A shiver of pleasure crept down Ianto's spine as Jack gently caressed him; spreading the cold, gooey liquid with expertise to cover Ianto's throbbing penis. He wanted Jack desperately; to grasp hold of his lover and fuck him until he was raw. But Jack was making Ianto wait. Handcuffed securely to Jack's bed, every second was one of pure agony for Ianto. The fact that Jack had insisted upon complete darkness didn't help either; waiting unmoving in the pitch black room for Jack to ravish him filled Ianto with anticipation, his senses thrilled by the prospects. And all the while his lust grew and he could feel the pre-come budding at the tip of his penis.

Ianto moaned in want as Jack straddled him. It was Jack's turn to choose their game, and tonight that game was called 'Chocolate and Honey Covered Ianto'. Ianto could feel Jack's wet finger writing on his chest, whether it was the paint or something else Ianto couldn't tell, but he distractedly tried to feel the words being daubed. _PRO-PER-TY OF J.H._ Ianto felt Jack's hot breath upon his neck, quickly followed by a tongue in his mouth, to which he responded forcefully. Ianto was impatient; he whimpered with loss when Jack pulled away. But then Jack nipped Ianto's ear, closing the gap between them and whispering seductively.

'You're mine, Jones, Ianto Jones.'

If Ianto's cock could have sprang any more to attention without bursting, it would have done as Jack slowly and sensually moved downwards, playfully lapping at Ianto's alert nipples. As Jack prepared to sink lower down and give Ianto what had been deemed the best blowjob this side of the Milky Way, however, a shrill beep and a glow were emitted by Jack's Vortex Manipulator. Much to Ianto's distress, Jack stopped and looked up at his wrist.

'Oh, take it off!' Ianto groaned. He felt the fabric of Jack's underwear brush against his thigh, concealing a significant hard-on. _Take _EVERYTHING_ off!_

'Sorry, Ianto – got to take a look at the alert. This one is small but it's right in the middle of the Hub. I'll be right back.'

Ianto collapsed into the mattress as Jack shifted his position and scrambled through the darkness into the main part of the base. Ianto sighed with annoyance; never mind patience being a virtue, this was bordering upon torture.

Five minutes later, Ianto was bored and his erection had dissipated slightly. However, when he heard the creak of the hatch and soft thump upon the bed, Ianto's arousal reappeared with Jack's return.

'Didn't you find anything then?' Ianto tried to act like he cared right now, but then his current desires took over. He didn't get an answer anyway; just some scuffling that suggested Jack was attempting bedroom stealth, which he wasn't very good at anyway. 'I know you're there, JaaaaACK!'

Ianto's back arched in surprise as his genitalia entered Jack's warm mouth. Jack moved in clean strokes, rapidly licking whatever body paint he came into contact with off, yet staying quiet all the while. Jack's sucking became more intense, and Ianto knew he was close, his moans growing all the more frequent with the loudness of their pitch. He needed Jack in him. Now.

'FUCK ME, JACK!' But Ianto didn't feel Jack move in any way, just sucking harder and faster until Ianto was already there. Semen rushed out of Ianto as he melted, climaxing in Jack's mouth; forcing the hot liquid down his lover's throat.

'Ianto?' Jack was looking amused and puzzled at the hatch entrance, having flicked the light switch on, which meant that he wasn't with Ianto. But then, who was still in bed with him? Ianto struggled to raise his head and was shocked by what he saw.

A small, familiar, yellowish looking bear was licking happily at Ianto's crotch. It sat up, bemused and opened its mouth.

'This hunny tastes funny.'

What the –?'Ianto was full of disbelief as he shifted to view Jack, who was chuckling softly.

'Ah, there you are Pooh Bear. This is Ianto.'

The bear acknowledged Ianto before returning to its meal. Ianto felt awkward and exposed. Not to mention confused. Had he? No, really – Jack wasn't serious, was he?

'Pooh Bear? As in Winnie the Pooh? The _fictional_ bear?'

'Yep.' Jack nodded as realisation dawned upon Ianto. Being sucked off by Pooh Bear practically killed off any happy childhood memories with the character. It would explain why Pooh and Piglet shared a house as 'friends'. Bear sex. A.A. Milne had a lot to answer for on that one. _Although...?_ Ianto had an idea. With a sexy smile he looked Jack slyly in the eye.

'Can we keep him?'

Jack had just been ousted as Emperor of the Oral Fuck by a Bear of Very Little Brain, but Ianto wasn't about to tell his lover that.

**So, how much have I scarred you? let me know what you think! :) MC. x**


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